I just finished reading Gone with the Wind for about the 10th time. (If you haven't read it, spoilers ahead.) Love that book. Kind of hate Scarlett. She's a b****. But her obsession with Ashley reminded me of me. See I've kind of been obsessed with someone for way too long. It takes Scarlett until the very end of the book (and losing Rhett) to realize she isn't in love with Ashley; she's in love with the picture she has created in her mind of him.
I think I have the same issue. The person I love is from the past and isn't there anymore. In fact, I'm not even sure if I like the person he has become. Unfortunately, I keep thinking, "oh, he'll change" or "if he was with me, he'd go back to how he was." (dumb girl thinking)
Utah changes people. I know it has changed me (mainly for the better) but I think he has changed for the worse. Let's just say wanting to be with a Molly when you aren't fully committed to your new religion is just a bad way to live. If you want to be Mormon, go all in but if you do it half way it can be a fast trip to major guilt.
So what to do? What to do? Well, most people would say cut all ties and I agree. Not thinking about him is usually the best thing for me. But here's the prob - way too much history. How do you stop loving the guy you've loved since you were 6? How do you stop thinking about him when so many of your best memories growing up involve that friendship? How do you break the connection when your parents are all great friends and you get to hear about how much his parents like his girlfriend?
Whatever. I don't know the answer. But I'm starting to think I really screwed up like Scarlett. If "we" had ever worked out, people would call it romantic that I was patient and waited for him to wise up. But since it is not working out, it is pathetic instead. So yes, I'm cranky. And the frickin inversion isn't helping any. Thank goodness it has been sunny lately!
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